You know those dragging in the mud moments when you’re struggling and trying to get through the season that never seems to end? That’s been my world for months now.

And…like everyone else in these seasons, there’s still smiles on the surface. You wouldn’t know there’s struggle from my social media posts, but behind the scene there is fear, chaos and imbalance. Working to fix the chaos, to get to the balance, to control the outcome of fear. There’s a testing of my character that was much better at handling the pressure in the beginning of this season, but now it’s wearing thin with very little glimpse of who I thought I was. Add that guilt to the pile. Trials can do that to you I guess.  Moments when the slightest memory or song brings back a more peaceful version of you and you want to just sit in that daydream for a minute. Quickly getting interrupted with the next poke.

I’ve got to give props to this struggle, it’s been a good one.  If this struggle needed a name, I would name it after the 3-year-old version of my strong-willed daughter 😏. There is no “fast forward” button. There is still no end in sight. There is no “better” plan. You get so far into struggle that there isn’t even a giving up option. I might fail. It might get harder.

I’ve had enough experience with struggle to know there will eventually be a reward on the other side.  The hard work, doubt and perseverance through the fear will pay off eventually. Maybe not how I want it to payoff, but how it’s supposed to payoff.  I also know, that it’s at the payoff part of your season that people judge.

Everything always looks perfect driving by someone else’s yard, but we can’t forget that we never saw the yard they were given. Or the moles that had pushed their way through. Or the fertilizer and maintenance that it takes to maintain it…I could keep going with lawn references. People judge the reward without seeing the behind the scenes that it took to get you there. People assume that things have always been easy, comparing their behind the scene to your highlight reel. Which makes it difficult to be supportive and happy for people. What if we all started understanding that it doesn’t come easy for anyone? No one knows what’s behind those social media posts and smiles. Everyone has struggles.

If you don’t know about someone’s behind the scene moments, you can’t judge their highlight reel.

Personally, I’m more interested in knowing people in their behind the scene moments, because that’s where we all spend most of our time. Those are the moments that I want to be there for people, that’s what’s real. I’ve noticed that in my past, I’ve actually downplayed my “happy” at times, so people can still feel a connect to me, so they don’t judge me unfairly.  We can’t do that to people, and we can’t allow people to do that to ourselves. When I get to the other side of this struggle and even my next one, I’m not going to downplay how hard I worked to become me. We all work hard to get to where we are in life, so let’s get out of the car and ask about their lawn instead of judging it.