“That’s easier said than done.” And yes, I completely agree. In regards to struggle, we know what we need to do or feel or say. We know that it will pass…eventually. But that doesn’t help me right now while I’m going through it. We hear the “hang in there’s” or the “it’s not you it’s them”, “you’ll get through it”. Nothing anyone can say makes the hurt go away. And that’s our initial response to pain, how can I relieve it right now?
Like physical pain, instinctively, we want to remove ourselves from the source. Insert drugs, alcohol, gambling, eating or any other coping mechanism to get instant relief…all only a distraction. The hurt is still there waiting for you with its tail wagging. We may be able to remove our finger from the hot stove physically but we can’t do the same with emotional pain. It’s going on in your mind and has to be dealt with in your mind. That’s where the trouble happens. The same hurt mind is trying to either process the emotions or avoid, because questioning what’s behind the pain is the last thing we want to do– it doesn’t allow us to escape it.
Once we’re able to understand what’s underneath, we can start to challenge it against what is true. This is easier said than done. Anger will definitely get in the way of this part. This can look different for anyone, but thoughts like, “Am I lonely or do I just feel misunderstood or disconnected? Are they making fun of what I said because I’m not good enough or because it made them feel better than me in that moment? Did they turn me down for the job because I don’t have the right personality or is it because that job wasn’t the personality for me? Did she not talk to me because she doesn’t like me, or is she just not sure what to say? What am I afraid of?
Get curious about ourselves. Once we understand it, then we can change what we see.
Tragedy pain can’t always be fixed even after going underneath. It can however, be shared. Being together in something can help relieve some of the sting. This is the kind of pain that pulls at my heartstrings, because there is no going backwards and sometimes no fix. A lot of times, this kind of pain is left without understanding so we have to respect the hurt and allow it time to heal while not feeling alone in it.
The hardest part of pain is to try to see beyond something that feels so raw in the moment, ironically it starts to feel less raw when you start to see beyond it. Rethink what is going on around you as something that is preparing you to become an oak.
It takes practice to handle hurts, and it takes practice to start handling hurts right if for many years you were handling it wrong. Unfortunately, hurts are inevitable, very often misunderstood and not easily tolerated.
It’s in these moments, your roots are being taken deeper because of how big you’re going to become. Expect opposition, expect hard. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean that it’s wrong nor does it mean that it will stay. There is a huge world out there and it is going to be both beautiful and difficult.
Understand that you are being planted, trained, strengthened for a purpose that is bigger than you. You can’t understand it now, because you would get in your own way of growing into something bigger than you can imagine.
But… only if you stick through the training, and are prepared for the resistance. Otherwise you get the struggle without the fully grown masterpiece that’s waiting for you at the top. With a breathtaking view I might add.